Usually when you hear of testimonies you think of these grand changes. As a child I grew up in the catholic church just doing what I was told to do. I knew of God and knew about Jesus, but I didn’t truly have a relationship with Him. In middle school, my 7th grade year, I was struggling with massive depression; our dog died, my mom was going through chemo and shots, I didn’t have many friends and my best friend at the time just suddenly died during a surgery, that she had to have out of no where, after going to the hospital for stomach pains. Another thing that I was dealing with were weird occurrences at night with my bed shaking(with no cats or anything on top or beneath), instances where I stop in my tracks and feel a dark presence nearby, or my dresser drawers opening and closing on their own. My mom and family believe in God and believe in angels, but they for some reason refuse to believe demons. I am quite positive I was being tormented by a demon. One night I grabbed a knife from downstairs and was going to, what I thought, “end it all. End the pain.” God had a different plan though. I can’t tell you how it sounded or explain it quite right, but as I held the knife and was letting the pain flood through me I was finally going to give in…then I got the biggest shock of my life. As I held the blade up to my wrist it felt like time stopped, I couldn’t hear anything but a clam yet firm gentle warm voice. It wasn’t mean, it wasn’t scary, it was loving. I had never heard this voice before, but at that moment I knew exactly who was talking to me, He said, “What are you doing?” I felt like a huge force just hit me, not like painful, just like when you get stopped in your tracks by something scary or breathtaking; I guess that’s what you could call, it was a breathtaking experience. After hearing His voice I put the knife back in the drawer and just thought for a moment about what my mom would feel and think finding out her daughter took her own life, what my sisters would feel or think just having their sister suddenly taken from them like a thief in the night, my father who worked so incredibly hard to give his family as easy and happy of a life that he possibly could. I began sobbing and went upstairs after I composed myself. I was 12.
It wasn’t until I was 12 years old when my mother opened my eyes and the encounter that I began to actually truly believe and have a relationship with God. I ended up suffering from anxiety attacks soon after finding out about my moms cancer. The fear of dying struck me hard, because my mom was so strong, kind, loving, beautiful and positive throughout her whole struggle and healing. Not once did she show us how scared she was or the pain she was in, we only saw her grace and generosity. One night while I was experiencing one of my panic attacks my mom came into my bedroom and held me. I opened up to her and told her about my fears of her dying, myself dying, and just death itself. I remember to this day what she told me, “Cancer has been scary and hard, but I couldn’t have gotten through it without your father, and without God. I don’t take anything for granted and just enjoy the little things.” She told me how to just take deep breaths and pray and listen to soothing sounds, so that’s what I did. I can’t tell you how long I went through this routine at night with just playing oceans waves on my CD player while focusing on my breathing and praying, but eventually I just stopped having them and as well as the weird demonic occurrences. To this day my mom and sister think I am crazy for even mentioning that I could have been experiencing a demon in the house, but I think they are more open to the idea of it when I mention how angels are real so why not demons, and point out stories in the bible about the demons. I think people just don’t want to admit their existence, which is fine, but also can be unhealthy if you don’t know how to deal with a situation that could possibly be brought on by demons.
By the time I graduated high school, our family stopped going to church. I had gone through a few messy break ups, for some reason I always attracted toxic people, and I was again starting to slip back into the messiness and bad habits of the world. Throughout this time I had a few moments where I know God was looking out for me, close calls with almost getting killed yet I was held back from moving forward at the wrong times. Even if I wasn’t closely following God, He was always there watching me, protecting me, and there for me when I decided to turn back to Him. Looking back at my past I of course wish I would have completely given my life over to Him sooner, but then who knows where I would be today of who I may or may not have had come into my life for a reason. I definitely feel like I went through that messy journey for a reason. I was in rough shape emotionally, but I had a day off from work, so I took my day off to fast, pray, and listen to other people’s testimonies. I came to the realization that I can’t keep doing things based off of what I wanted, and more so what God might want for me. I accepted that I may not find a man whom I could have as a husband, and was content just having a relationship with God. Little did I know as soon as I had made that realization, went in to delete my Christian dating app and had given myself an ultimatum, that God would answer my prayers. I told myself I would delete the app after going through 3 pages of “matches”, so here I was on page 3 when I was drawn to this match. I messaged him and waited 3 days. When I went to delete the app I noticed I had a message and it was from him. We hit it off right away and scheduled our first date, the day after our first phone call, which lasted 3 hours… Yes 3 hours, and neither of us got bored of talking even though it was now about 2am. Our first date we both knew this relationship was different and we stayed out late just talking in his car before we ended the date.
In the year of 2018 I ended the year off with a new healthy relationship (who is now my husband), and getting re-baptized. I say re-baptized, because I was baptized as a child against my will and own decision. I know my parents had the best intentions, but I do not believe that a baptism is legitimate unless the person being baptized is the one who wants and agrees to the baptism. Baptism is an act of faith and love for God and wanting to enter into His family as one of His children. Dedicating them is promising God that you will bring your child up in a home that teaches God’s word and strives to give them the guidance and care they need to hopefully one day want to have a relationship with God themselves, so this would be a more accurate means to bringing up your child in faith. My faith has continued to grow and thrive since giving my life over to the Lord. I cannot say that my life is without hardships, pain, and obstacles, but Jesus never said this life would be easy, just that it would be good and full of joy when we walk through life with Him.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33
“3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” ~Romans 5:3-5
The Honeyed Path 
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